Nikki Glaser took the stage at the 83rd Golden Globes with a rapid-fire, no-holds-barred monologue that set the tone for a night celebrating film and television, and she did not hold back. From poking fun at Hollywood’s biggest names to delivering jokes that were as pointed as they were clever, Glaser’s opening remarks reminded everyone why she’s one of comedy’s most fearless performers.
“Good evening and welcome to the 83rd Golden Globes. Yes, the Golden Globes. Without a doubt, the most important thing happening in the world right now,” Glaser quipped to open the ceremony, immediately signalling that audiences were in for an evening of irreverent humour.
The comedian wasted no time skewering the ceremony itself. “Tonight, we are celebrating the best of both TV and film right here in the heart of Los Angeles, where no TV or film has been made for the past six years,” she joked, before introducing herself with a self-deprecating flair: “Just like Wicked, I’m back for a sequel. Just like Frankenstein, I’ve been pieced together by an unlicensed European surgeon. And it’s good work.”
Her best line of the evening “CBS News where you go to See BS news”.
Glaser’s humour flowed seamlessly into her commentary on the assembled stars. She referenced the podcasters nominated that night with mock disbelief: “I should not be allowed to be this close to Julia Roberts. It’s not right.” She also found opportunities to skew media institutions, joking, “The Golden Globe for best editing goes to the Justice Department,” and later, “The award for most editing goes to CBS News. Yes, CBS News, America’s newest place to CBS News.”
The monologue was peppered with pointed celebrity observations. Kathy Bates, Stephen Spielberg, and George Clooney were among those highlighted, with Glaser gently ribbing Clooney about his self-referential role in Jay Kelly: “George, you’re amazing. I’ve always wanted to ask you this question… my espresso has been coming out kind of watery. Is it a pod issue or the filter? Could you troubleshoot it for me later?”
Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart were described as “my favourite comedy duo. You’re like a Steve Martin and Martin Short, but for people under 50 IQ,” eliciting laughs while highlighting the camaraderie between the two stars. Jennifer Lawrence received high praise for her performance in Die, My Love, with Glaser recalling a humorous anecdote involving a makeup artist: “I once told a makeup artist, can you make me look like JLaw, and he was like, ‘Honey, I can’t even make you look like Jude Law.’ So we laughed.”
Glaser also touched on some of the year’s most talked-about projects. White Lotus Season 3 earned her signature mix of admiration and shock: “Did you guys actually know that White Lotus season 3 was the first hit show to feature incest since Property Brothers Season All of Them?” Leonardo DiCaprio’s performance in One Battle was lauded for its excellence, with Glaser delivering a cheeky personal jab: “The most impressive thing is that you accomplished all of that before your girlfriend turned 30.”
The monologue included nods to iconic Hollywood veterans. Sean Penn drew Glaser’s admiration for his humanitarian work and enduring originality: “Everyone in this town is obsessed with looking younger. Meanwhile, Sean Penn is like, ‘What if I slowly morph into a sexy leather handbag?’ And I feel like that’s hot. It’s good.”
Other highlights included shout-outs to newcomers and performances that impressed Glaser, such as Chase Infinity’s debut, Timothée Chalamet’s role in Marty Supreme, and standout musical performances from Cynthia Revo and Ariana Grande. She even found time to joke about Michael B. Jordan playing twins in Sinners, blending absurdity with genuine appreciation for the actor’s talent.
Glaser concluded her monologue with heartfelt encouragement, addressing filmmakers and artists directly. “Your work this year was innovative. It felt fearless, inspiring, and in some cases, downright Zootopian. GMO del Toro, keep making weird monster sex movies. James Cameron, keep making weird monster sex movies. Emma Stone and Yorgos Lanthamos, keep making wonderfully bizarre movies together and go harder. I want Emma Stone playing a piece of toast with epilepsy. You would nail it.”
She also included playful tributes to composers and actors, encouraging Hans Zimmer to “keep composing film scores that sound like, ‘Oh, what a bop,’” and Claire Danes to “keep making noises that sound like too much Botox.” In a final nod to comedy legends, she told Steve Martin and Martin Short, “Keep proving to us that in this industry, you are never ever too old to still need money. I love you guys.”
Watch the Nikki Glaser monologue here:
In the music awards component KPOP Demon Hunters won Best Original Song – Motion Picture for Golden and Best Original Score went to Sinner.
Best original song — motion picture
WINNER: Golden (KPop Demon Hunters), Joong Gyu Kwak, Yu Han Lee, Hee Dong Nam, Jeong Hoon Seo, Park Hong Jun, Kim Eun-jae, Mark Sonnenblick
Dream As One (Avatar: Fire and Ash), Miley Cyrus, Andrew Wyatt, Mark Ronson, Simon Franglen
I Lied to You (Sinners), Raphael Saadiq, Ludwig Göransson
No Place Like Home (Wicked: For Good), Stephen Schwartz
The Girl in the Bubble (Wicked: For Good), Stephen Schwartz
Train Dreams (Train Dreams), Nick Cave, Bryce Dessner
Best original score
WINNER: Sinners
Frankenstein
F1
One Battle After Another
Sirāt
Hamnet
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