Jimmy Kimmel has returned to his late-night perch on Hollywood Boulevard swinging hard at Donald Trump, branding the former president a “classic 1980s movie bully” who steals your lunch money and stuffs you in a locker.
The comedian used his first full monologue back on air to address the latest volley of attacks from Trump, who blasted ABC for allowing Kimmel back on television after last week’s temporary blackout across several U.S. affiliates. Trump claimed the network was “put in jeopardy” by what he called “99% Democrat garbage” from Kimmel’s show.
Kimmel, never one to let a Trump broadside slide, not only dismissed the comments but doubled down, painting the former president as a man who thrives on intimidation.
“People ask why I talk about Trump so much,” Kimmel said. “It’s because he’s a bully. And I don’t like bullies. I played clarinet in high school.”
That clarinet line, funny as it was, segued into a much longer riff where Kimmel compared Trump to the stock villains of 1980s teen films – the jocks who terrorised nerds in the school cafeteria.
According to Kimmel, Trump is the guy who takes your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, gobbles it down in front of you, and then polishes off your Oreos. He’s the bully who mocks you by reading your mum’s lunchbox note aloud to the whole class, smiling with cookie crumbs in his teeth while twisting your nipples through your polyester polo. Then he stuffs you in a locker and stomps on your Trapper Keeper for good measure.
“That is Donald Trump,” Kimmel told his audience. “He does it to everyone.”
Kimmel went further, reminding viewers that Trump was literally the model for the character Biff Tannen in Back to the Future. “Rooting for this bully,” he said, “is like rooting for Biff. I’m with Marty McFly.”
The reference was one of Kimmel’s sharpest yet, neatly tying Trump’s public persona to the archetype of the arrogant, destructive schoolyard tormentor. The analogy underlined Kimmel’s broader point: that Trump’s politics and public bluster aren’t just ideology, but behaviour – behaviour that seeks to dominate, belittle and humiliate.
Kimmel also addressed Trump’s social media rants about the show’s brief pre-emptions in several U.S. markets. Trump suggested Kimmel had been “cancelled,” mocked his ratings, and claimed ABC was playing with fire by putting him back on the air.
“Only Donald Trump would try to prove he wasn’t threatening ABC by threatening ABC,” Kimmel said.
Trump even seized on a minor incident where his escalator briefly stopped, turning it into what he dubbed “Escalator-Gate” and demanding arrests. Kimmel skewered the melodrama: “He won’t release the Epstein files, but we’re getting a full investigation into an escalator malfunction.”
For Kimmel, these outbursts only reinforce the bully image – the tough guy who shouts about conspiracies when his ride stalls.
Kimmel also mocked Trump’s assertion that the host should “rot in his bad ratings.” “Has anyone ever been fired for bad ratings on a Wednesday?” he asked. “On behalf of all of us, welcome to the crappy ratings club, Mr. President.”
That line landed with particular sting given Trump’s well-documented obsession with crowd sizes, polls, and TV numbers. For Kimmel, the ratings barb was not only inaccurate but hypocritical.
Late-night television has long been a political battleground, but Kimmel’s framing of Trump as a cinematic bully may be one of the most resonant critiques yet. It doesn’t argue policy or partisanship; it paints Trump in universally recognisable terms. Everyone knows a bully. Everyone remembers a Biff.
By casting Trump in that role, Kimmel positions himself, and by extension, his audience, as the kids standing up to the schoolyard tyrant. The clarinet player who finally says enough is enough.
It also highlights why Kimmel continues to feature Trump so prominently in his monologues. It’s not simply political fodder; it’s personal. “I just don’t like him,” Kimmel admitted. “And I don’t like bullies.”
The monologue ended with Kimmel thanking colleagues, supporters, and celebrities who rallied behind him during the show’s blackout. But the heart of the night was his Trump riff, which landed somewhere between comedy routine and cultural commentary.
Kimmel may joke about lunch money and Oreos, but his point was serious: in his view, Donald Trump isn’t just a former president or a political opponent, he’s the archetypal bully, and bullies don’t stop until someone stands up to them.
And if Kimmel has his way, late-night TV is going to keep doing just that.
Watch Jimmy’s Wednesday monologue here:
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