Late-night veteran Conan O’Brien delivered a fast-paced and biting opening monologue as he returned to host the Oscars, mixing Hollywood satire, political jabs and one particularly controversial punchline.
by Paul Cashmere
When Conan O’Brien stepped onto the stage at the 2026 Oscars, the veteran comedian wasted little time reminding Hollywood that the night would belong to his brand of awkward, self-aware humour.
Opening the ceremony at the Dolby Theatre for the second year running, O’Brien greeted the room with a line that immediately set the tone for the evening. “I’m Conan O’Brien and I’m honoured to be the last human host of the Academy Awards,” he said. “Next year it’s going to be a Waymo in a tux.”
The line played on the entertainment industry’s current fascination with artificial intelligence and automation. It also established O’Brien’s running theme, the idea that even the most prestigious film awards are not immune from satire.
O’Brien’s opening segment began with a pre-recorded comedy sketch in which he appeared dressed as Aunt Gladys from the horror film Weapons. The filmed segment transitioned into the live ceremony, with children chasing a stunt performer into the theatre before O’Brien walked on stage in a tuxedo.
From there, the host launched into a rapid-fire monologue that targeted Hollywood studios, streaming giants, the awards process and even the audience itself.
One of his early targets was the streaming industry, with a pointed joke about Ted Sarandos.
“Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos is here,” O’Brien said. “And this is exciting, it’s his first time in a theatre. Why are they all together enjoying themselves? They should be home alone where I can monetise it.”
The comedian also turned the spotlight on the sometimes absurd nature of awards season, joking that the ceremony had introduced a new category for casting directors.
“Which means tonight one casting director will win an Oscar,” he said. “And for the rest of you, we’ve decided to go in another direction.”
O’Brien’s monologue moved easily between industry satire and absurd observations about the year’s nominated films. Referencing titles such as Hamnet and Bugonia, he joked that the Academy had produced “a big year for movies that sound like off-brand lunch meat”.
He also delivered a pointed joke about healthcare while discussing the historical drama Hamnet. “In Hamnet, William Shakespeare’s wife Agnes gives birth by herself in the woods,” he said. “Or as we call that here in America, affordable healthcare.”
Later in the monologue O’Brien turned to the racing drama F1, reducing its plot to a blunt summary that drew laughs from the audience.
“It’s the story of a race car driver who finally wins after deciding to go faster.”
Throughout the routine O’Brien frequently mocked himself. At one point he admitted that not every gag was designed for the room. “Some of these I do for myself,” he told the audience.
The host also poked fun at fellow celebrities in attendance, including Michael B. Jordan and Leonardo DiCaprio. Referring to Jordan’s dual role in the film Sinners, O’Brien joked that every seat filler at the ceremony would be played by the actor.
Perhaps the most talked-about line of the night came during a segment about acting nominations. O’Brien noted that it was the first time since 2012 that there were no British performers nominated for Best Actor or Best Actress. “A British spokesperson said, ‘Yeah, well at least we arrest our pedophiles,’” he said.
The remark landed with a mix of laughter and surprise in the room and quickly became one of the most widely discussed moments of the monologue.
O’Brien also took aim at the ever-expanding corporate reach into the film industry. Noting that Amazon Studios received no nominations this year, he joked that other major companies were equally overlooked.
“Also shut out, Walmart, Alibaba and Chewy,” he said. “Why isn’t the website I order toilet paper from winning more Oscars?”
Late in the routine, O’Brien shifted gears and closed the monologue on a more reflective note. Speaking to the global audience watching the broadcast, he acknowledged the scale of the event and the collaborative nature of filmmaking.
“Tonight is an international event,” he said. “Thirty-one countries across six continents are represented this evening. Every film we salute is the product of thousands of people speaking different languages and working hard to make something of beauty.”
O’Brien concluded by describing cinema as a symbol of cooperation and resilience during turbulent times. “We celebrate not because we think all is well,” he said, “but because we work and hope for better in the days ahead.”
The speech captured the balance that has defined O’Brien’s career, sharp satire delivered alongside moments of sincerity.
After decades across American television, including long runs on Late Night and Conan, the comedian has become known for a hosting style that blends intelligence, absurdity and an ability to needle the entertainment industry while still celebrating it.
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