Garbage frontwoman Shirley Manson has revealed she cut herself as a young adult to cope with depression.
The singer has opened up about her life low in a new essay for The New York Times, titled The First Time I Cut Myself.
In the powerful piece, she details the pattern of self-harm she engaged in as a teen, revealing she often used a penknife she kept in her boot.
“I was in my late teens, darkly in love with someone who wasn’t in love with me,” she recalls about the painful time in her life. “I was having sex with multiple partners, experimenting with drugs and drinking copious, alarming amounts of alcohol. I would often fall foul of crushing depression, struggling to get out of my bed before four in the afternoon. Having flunked out of school, I had no set future in mind.”
The 51-year-old recounts her first experience as a cutter, sharing it was largely motivated by a dysfunctional relationship.
“I felt a warm surge of comfort and relief,” she writes. “Relief from the rage. A relief from the powerlessness. Something had happened that didn’t feel right, and here were lines of my blood to bear witness to it and speak of it on my behalf.”
Her destructive tendencies eventually grew worse.
“Once you choose to indulge in it, you get better, more efficient, at it,” she explains. “I started to hurt myself more regularly. The cuts got deeper. I hid the scars under my stockings and never breathed a word about it to anyone.”
The star ultimately conquered the disorder, taking control of the negative thoughts that often led her to harm herself.
“Today I try to remain vigilant against these old thought patterns,” she shares, adding she forces herself to be kind to herself and others and to pursue happiness at all costs.
Manson’s confession comes as her group reissues its hit album Version 2.0 on its 20th anniversary.
For news as it happens follow Noise11 on Facebook
Listen to the Noise11 Music News channel now at iHeartRadio
